Evening Comics Target Trump's New 'Gold Card' Immigration Program
TV's leading hosts spent the evening criticizing ex-President Donald Trump's recently announced immigration program, labeled the "golden visa," characterizing it as a obvious pay-to-play arrangement for the wealthy.
The Late Show's Sarcastic Take
Opening his show, Stephen Colbert delivered a sardonic Christmas song about the president. "He's compiling a list, reviewing it twice, then handing that list to the agents at ICE," he sang. "Trump ... ruins everything he comes into contact with."
Colbert's target was the new plan that permits international citizens to purchase U.S. residency for the price of one million dollars, or "premium" version for 5 million. The program's page pledges approval "faster than ever."
"A quick message here to affluent foreigners: before you fork over the cash, have you considered Canada?" Colbert quipped.
He noted that the scheme is also meant to "squeeze cash" from businesses wishing to hire skilled workers, requiring large costs. "That's a lot of fees, though if you register, you also get two free nights at a property of your choice – if it's the a specific Marriott," he said.
"The best background check the U.S. government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these individuals truly meet the standard to be in America."
"That is important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert responded. "Question one: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"
Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Commentary
On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."
"This is a card that will permit wealthy overseas citizens to live here," he said. "For a million dollars, you get official visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your choice."
"Perhaps it's time to change that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your poor masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.
Kimmel teased the brevity of the application, saying it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."
"Exactly, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "That's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."
Seth Meyers discussing Grocery Issues
Elsewhere, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's plunging approval ratings during economic concerns. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term because they were mad about the economy," he said.
Recently, in a effort to tackle cost of living, Trump held a briefing in front of a array of grocery items, where he reacted oddly to some cereal.
"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."
"He is so extremely weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"
Meyers concluded by mocking conservative media arguments of Trump's economic record. "Perhaps rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he joked.